1. Commit to Making a Plan. No one likes to talk about death, especially when it involves what would happen to your children. The cold, hard, fact is that death is batting 1.000. Dying without a plan for your stuff and your kids risks putting family in friends in the position of making abrupt, final decisions immediately following your death, which is one of the worst things you can do to your children. Quit putting it off. Clients walk out of my office everyday saying, “Man, I’m glad we got that done!” There is peace in planning.
2. Don’t Try to Replace Yourself. You can’t. No one parents your kids like you do. No one cuts their sandwiches up, tucks them in at night, etc., like you. “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.” Psalm 127:3. No one will raise your kids like you would. Choosing a guardian is not plug-n-play parenting. It is putting someone in charge of your kids’ wellbeing during what would be the worst possible time of their lives. Who in your life is best suited to keep them in a safe, consistent lifestyle while they grieve?
3. Keep Life Consistent . Your guardians should be able to keep things as normal as possible. Live in your home. Get the kids to school. Keep them in volleyball. Hit those Saturday morning birthday parties. Consistency is key when children’s lives are changed so drastically. Sending them from Dallas to live on their cousins’ farm in Wisconsin is probably not the best decision for them. Plan to keep the status quo as in tact as possible.
4. Choose a Good Listener. The more freely kids feel to express their feelings about the past and explore their concerns for the future, the more rapidly they will be able to work through their tremendous grief. Who would you go to with a life crisis to listen, support, and encourage you? They may be the best fit to guard your kids. After all, your kids are part you.
5. Ask and Communicate. Don’t assume your kids are too young or immature to talk about grief or loss. They’re not. Whenever possible, allow them to participate in the discussion. Give them a listening ear, support, and encouragement. Once the decision is made, let your kids know openly and honestly where they will be living and with whom. And don’t forget to discuss your plan with the nominated guardian.

Talk. Plan. Sleep. Repeat.